Inadvertently, in a conversation with a friend, a joke trope unfolded that blossomed into a game of one-upsmanship. The topic: John McCain's terrifying, dead smile and the visual gold more close-up photos of it would be for the Obama campaign. Of course, if I forgot the exact number of houses I owned, I might smile a little funny too. [sidenote: My grandma forgets where she lives, ONCE, and they put her in the hospital. John McCain does the same thing essentially seven times at once and gets nominated for President. I do not understand.]
John McCain Smiles Like... is an Apples to Apples style game (or drinking game) in which up to six players compete. The turns are simple: a judge is chosen at random, and each player takes a blank notecard. The prompt "John McCain smiles like..." generates responses from each, numbered 1-x (up to five) and submitted face-down for the judge. Based on creativity, lyricism, satirical value, sting, or any combination, the judge selects a winner who becomes the judge of the next round. Some kind of scoring token denotes the number of rounds each player had won. After an agreed-upon number of wins accrues to a single player, he or she is declared winner. If adapted as a drinking game, all losers plus the outgoing judge would drink, and the incoming judge would start the next turn. In the case of the drinking game, no scoring would occur and play would cease when an [electoral] majority of the responses became incoherent.
Here are some examples James and I turned out today.
(* indicates written by James Fruit, + indicates written by Cameron Ferguson)
> McCain smiles like a fence around a haunted house. *
> McCain smiles like abandoned newspapers blowing over an empty dirt lot *
> McCain smiles like cancerous goats on a lonely stone mountain *
> McCain smiles like a carny counting his nickels to go buy a can of chaw +
> McCain smiles like birthday candles on a dying orphan's cake *
> McCain smiles like a string of pearls on a beaten wife +
> McCain smiles like pale fingers clawing out of a nameless grave *
> McCain smiles like vacant gaze of a blind mime +
> McCain smiles like the ribs of a mastodon gleaming through polluted siberian ice *
> McCain smiles like the shimmering prose of a eulogy for an unmissed drifter +
> McCain smiles like a dozen rats in your baby's crib *
> McCain smiles like a candygram from the man come to collect the price on your head +
> McCain smiles like wilted flowers on a windblown streetcorner +
> McCain smiles like a rip in grandma's garters *
> McCain smiles like a cabbie with a goiter who knows you're his last fare +
> McCain smiles like the one stalk of corn the locusts didn't quite finish *
> McCain smiles like the moment of silence in between the rusty squawk of the gears in a derelict Ferris Wheel +
> McCain smiles like the door of a pizza oven in a place closed for health violations *
> McCain smiles like the last vulture to the scene of the accident +
> McCain smiles like a Sudanese machete *
> McCain smiles like the last piece of a blast-shattered window clinging to its pane +
> McCain smiles like a beaten cur that has desecrated the new rug *
> McCain smiles like the street hustler who watches your hand move to one of the wrong cards in his game of Monty +
> McCain smiles like the coach running extra innings with little Jeffy after practice *
> McCain smiles like the serene rotation of a 100-mph beanball +
> McCain smiles like Thomas Jefferson at the slave auction -- and he was there, too *
> McCain smiles like the thin finger of light peering under the door he closed on his crippled first wife +
> McCain smiles like Reagan at his tapioca *
> McCain smiles like George H.W.'s tapioca at the Prime Minister of Japan +
> McCain smiles like Christopher Reeve's wheelchair salesman *
> McCain smiles like the baleful pride that comes with swallowing down a gulp of $3 whiskey without gagging a little bit +
> McCain smiles like the tepid rack of lamb served at six by the cuckold who hasn't given up hope at midnight +
There you go. Happy metaphorizing, Blogosphere!
