Autumn in Nomp Ton

It's officially beginning to be fall, with scarce daylight after 7pm and the minute chill in the air that makes every breath in the 80 degree heat adopt a crispness unknown to the humidity of Oklahoma summer. I've been in several, successive shitty moods lately.

I take that back, it's most been melancholy. To me, a "shitty" mood conveys more agitation than lugubrity.

Anyhow. I think I may be shifting toward that "next" step of whatever it is I'm doing. Maybe it's still rooted in the breakup, but I don't know. At any rate, it seems kind of silly to still be on the rebound. I posted some double-doubles and now it's time to move on. Not sure exactly how yet, though music has been a good source of solace. So has poetry, which I've been writing more of lately (and reading, too -- though that's mostly for class). I hope to be eating and drinking less in the coming days. And getting up more often.

Spending the whole day in bed is like digging laterally in a hole: it doesn't really get you out, it just makes the hole bigger and wastes your time.

I did some stand-up comedy last week at Othello's and I will be doing some more this week. I'm writing bits at a pretty good clip and most of them are funny... I think. I might also start work on this idea for a screenplay I had back in winter 2007. Who knows? I might even wind up with another girlfriend (could be a bad idea). Just. Keep. Moving.

Roast Beef has always been my favorite character, but I'm reminding myself too much of him lately.

In life, it's the small victories.

Like getting 90 Cymbalta for the price of 30 just because the dosage size is 30mg and the prescription fills at 30 pills/per and someone at Walgreen's got sloppy and labeled a three-month supply bottle with the one-month sticker. Man, have I needed those things so far this week. Good not to be temporarily off 'em.

Fall is what makes it real, you know. Ah well, if you never missed anything once in a while, you'd never know what you were missing.

How to know you're doing hilariously okay in 20 tracks

1. The Four Tops - I Can't Quit Your Love
2. The Buzzcocks - Orgasm Addict
3. So Many Dynamos - Home is Where The Box Wine Is
4. The Pretenders - Up the Neck
5. The Toadies - Little Sin
6. Jawbreaker - Into You Like a Train (Psychedelic Furs cover)
7. The Cars - Dangerous Type
8. Ryan Adams - Two Hearts
9. Dusty Springfield - Breakfast in Bed
10. Ryan Lindsey - Future Unemployment
11. Prefab Sprout - Appetite
12. Cursive - The Recluse
13. The Walker Brothers - Deadlier Than The Male
14. The Pipettes - Dirty Mind
15. Old 97's - Rollerskate Skinny
16. Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes
17. Belle and Sebastian - Seeing Other People
18. The Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale
19. Magnetic Fields - Two Characters in Search of a Country Song
20. Bill Withers - Use Me

A Resolution:

IN VIEW OF:
The fact that my life has been disaster-free since July 2008,
and REGARDING:
The emergence of a mature, if incomplete, perspective on my place in the world,
and RECOGNIZING:
A set of goals that I view as inevitable to the completion of my personal calling,
and FORGIVING:
The fact that I am not there yet, and it may be a while, yet
CELEBRATING:
That the way there is fraught with hilarious, interesting detours,
and CONSIDERING:
That poetic justice is among those hilarious, interesting detours,

BE IT RESOLVED:
That my life is the best it's been since fall 2006, and that it is therefore successful.

That is goddamn all.

All the profundity, none of the guilt!

My birthday parties: the goddamn best.

Jimmy's house + my people + Cale's people + the first-ever pseudo City of Industry (are we called that anymore?) show + a hell of an afterparty = it's good to be 23.

The following isn't strictly-speaking autobiographical, but let's say the thought process wasn't fully random and civil bureaucracy moves far too slowly in matters of legal dissolution. M'kay?

The Dark End of a Dead End
(words, music Cameron Ferguson)

You're an easy target in
The throes of opportunity
In a crowded kitchen, in
A throng of humanity --
In a haze of sweat and spirits,
Through the smoke and incense
Your objectives predetermined and
You'll spare no expense

It's a long evening when you
Think yourself alone so long
While you drift through rooms and dances
You pretend to know each song
You're not so buoyant that
You can't be so bored
Every word's the same stale breakbeat,
The same C power chord

[pre-chorus 1]
Out of your periphery, she
Looms up like the sunrise:
Oversized and
Underlined eyes;
Bracelets and
Brocade hair ties --
A smile as cool as sly

Engagement rules are never clear,
The consequences deadened
Lying in the wait-right-here
At the dark end of a dead end
The dark end of a dead end

She's a clear mark and she's
In the process of entrancing
You're moving to the exit,
Your gameplay is advancing --
Apartment entrances
This one seems so auspicious
The face-down picture frames
All portraits of ambitions

But she's quiet when you ask,
You decide to pay no mind --
What's the price it might exact,
What's the worst that you could find?
You're not so blind and
You can't be so blithe
You're having the time
Of someone else's life
Tonight

[prechorus 2]
Out of the corner of my eye,
It appears like a diagram:
One gold band on
One nightstand;
Twenty white knuckles on
Four red hands --
This wasn't in the plan

[ref.]

[bridge:]
So much for certain somethings,
One should be so sure
Watching the investment turn
Into investiture -
Storm the castle, boy
Throw the bodies in the moat -
What's that taste in my throat?
What's this taste in my throat?

[prechorus 3]
One night stand
One left-hand tan line;
One ring
Silence on the other line --
This wasn't in the design


>No clear decision to end on prechorus or a third refrain as yet. Will need to work out full guitar part.

Yeah, life is pretty awesome.

I love my family.

So it's my birthday, and my grandma mailed me this card:












And nothing is in it. At all.

Was I being unreasonable to assume it might be, you know, not empty with a tagline like that? Oh, grandma...