Does it feel like you're in neutral and the world is your garage?

I don't know if that post-title is a lyric idea, but it might be later. Had that thought twice today and I got real bummed.

So anyway, I've had to seriously cut back my activities from being a combination stand-up comic/drummer for Jake's band/attempted bandleader in my own right/screenwriter/boyfriend/songwriter of questionable merit/employee of FedEx to basically the latter three. Suddenly money has me by the throat and won't let go. It's a motherfucker to be broke and all of the money you DO make is spoken for. I knew how that felt once, living with Katie, but thought that maybe not having more budgetary control and basically doubling fixed expenses was contributing to that. Hm, nope. You can't not live at your mom's house and have any money at the same time, I guess. My landlord is getting kind of pissed, presumably, that I haven't paid deposit or moved in yet. I'm getting kind of pissed myself.

After a fitful Mod-only songwriting jag where I turned out three whole songs in three days and planned to record an EP of me on all instruments as "Beat Faction," I'm back to my usual writing style of angular, cynical, wordy New Wave meets Pop melody with just a little Mod jitter thrown in. I guess that's my "voice" - or at least the half of it that's not country and folksy and sad all the time. Three days ago I remembered a guitar melody I'd written in 11th grade and re-wrote the song it was a part of. Only title and lead melody remain the same; I decided to really screw up the tonality and write it all in 7-chords and chop up the rhythm a bit. It's less Screaming Trees and more Superchunk now. That's what five years of broadening your horizons gets you, Screaming Trees ==> Superchunk. Oy vey, the 1990's.

I also finished (then forgot) the chords to accompany the "Service Sector" lead line I wrote ages ago [like late summer '08], so after this I'm going to go try and remember it. Here's the lyrics to "Call Off Your Spectre," the 11th-grade savant moment-turned-23yr. old remix. If you follow the blog you'll probably figure the suspect.

Call Off Your Spectre (words, music C. Ferguson)

You're only beautiful for what's wrong with you
But there's so much wrong with you
I won't play along
Unless you want me to
(I guess you want me to?)

It's so hard to know who was using who
And so much to get used to
It's no use --
I got used, too
(Everyone gets used to you)

Now call off your spectre,
It's just another false alarm
Call off your spectre -
Dead things shouldn't feel so warm

You're irrational, but I'm hopeful
I only let you hang me with enough rope
Half-lived a lie
Like an isotope
(Under your microscope)

[ref.]

{bridge}
It's always fun 'til someone loses an eye
On the door
So lost and blindfolded, so hot, so cold --
Who could ask for any more?
(But I guess I wanted more?)

You're only beautiful for what's wrong with you
But there's so much wrong with you
I won't play along...

[ref.]