This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Well, it's over for me and Sara. I guess it was more or less inevitable.

There were to many points of division. She settles in and I chafe against routine. She requires lots of time, I require lots of space. She's thinking of the future and I don't want to know what happens tomorrow. She'll be in Oklahoma at least five more years and I'll be out of here in less than half that, at longest. She never said she wanted to get married, but she didn't need to. She's the definition of "uxorial". Sadly, she's the only person who ever treated me the way a person who would love me ought to. Sadly, I couldn't return the favor the way she wanted it.

There are less personality-based factors at work. I'm a scene person and she's a homebody. I try to grow my social network, she hardly ever spends time with her friends. She has lots of musical aptitude and does nothing with it; I have just as much academic aptitude, but do much the same. She fries pork in grease and fries potatoes to go with it and I'm a person who is insecure about gaining weight. Plus she's a 23-year-old homeowner in Midwest City, a place "where dreams go to die". I increasingly became terrified my dreams were going to be among them. I'll not even get into matters of music and movie taste, but that's a rich vein too.

Finally all the darkness in me became too much for her good nature to endure, and my need for privacy and space and a place to decompress got smothered by her. This is all I have to say: it's sad that the timing was so wrong, but it's right to be honest.

"And the human heart is like a clock / And time goes on"